Computers and Abbot and Costello

One of my readers sent me this. Laughter is good medicine.

To fully appreciate this you have to be old enough to remember the famous Abbott and Costello routine "Who's on first?" and too old to really understand computers. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT


ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.


ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

C! OSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT:Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?


ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

!
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT:Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

ABBOTT:The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT:Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT:One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer! store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?


ABBOTT: Click on "START".......

Update on High Blood Pressure

Most disappointing - I just discovered that the last couple of weeks my postings are not posting. Not sure why.

Anyway - Blood pressure is still in the 140 range. Follow up appointment was a real trip. I did not see a doctor, I got to see the Nurse Practioner. I did not get any of the results of my blood tests except the print out which I am not qualified to interpret.

I did get some interesting information on blood pressure monitors. The monitors at the base hospital are all set to go to 180 before they release and count Systolic and Diastolic pressure. Who cares you ask? Well, your blood pressure reading will be different depending on how high the monitor is set to go and how tight the cuff is attached to your arm.

One thing I found very funny during my visit. I had to fill out information on a sheet of paper and then duplicate that information in a computer. The clerk would ask the questions and I would answer and she would type it in.

One section - Have you been depressed at any time in the last 3 months?
Have you forgotten anything in the last 3 months?
I knew where this was going but I said yes. Then the clerk asked me if I would like a psychiatric consult. I just changed my answers. I was laughing but the clerk was not happy at all. I asked the clerk is she was every depressed or forgot something.
No sense of humor.

The NP's reaction on the blood pressure - take a water pill to reduce water retention and that should bring it down.

Posted a new article on the web site about Diet Confusion. Check it out at

the articles page at Answers For Your Health

Keep smiling.

High Blood Pressure

I went to the doctor for an ingrown toe nail. I ended up with a lecture on my blood pressure in the 160's. No treatment for the toe nail just the suggestion that I wear sandals.

It has been 10 days since I went to the doctor. I had to take my pressure 4 times a day and I had no intention of driving 20 miles 4 times a day so I bought a small electric monitor.

I stopped taking the fiber pill I had been using for the last 6 months. It contained licorice and I know better. Licorice can raise blood pressure if taken for more than 6 weeks at a time. I also added Magnesium, CoQ10, and Lecithin to my supplements.

Good news - today my pressure is 123/81. Now it is higher when I get up in the morning, but that 123 reading was after moving a big heavy couch from one room to another.

It will be interesting to see the doctor this Friday. One of the things we will discuss is the test results of the 6 vials of blood they drew that day. One test will be on my thyroid - thyroid malfunction can affect blood pressure and weight.

I did an article on high blood pressure in my newsletter - check it out.
Newsletter

High Blood Pressure

I find I must deal with High Blood Pressure. I went to the doctor for an ingrown toe nail and got a lecture on my blood pressure. Up in the 160 range. I have to go back on the 24th for a "well" physical. At that time the doctor will discuss the results of 6 vials of blood they drew and my blood pressure.

One of the things they will look at is my thyroid. Thyroid disfunction can cause high blood pressure. I know they plan on putting me on medicine. I plan on not needing that medicine.

I was instructed to take my blood pressure 4 times a day. Now I am not driving 20 miles 4 times a day to the doctor. Talk about raising my blood pressure. I bought a small electric blood pressure monitor. I am keeping a record to take in.

I stopped taking the fiber pill I have been using for the last 6 months - it has licorice in it. I know better. Licorice can raise blood pressure if used more than 6 weeks in a row. I also added Magnesium, Lecithin, and CoQ10 to my supplements.

I am pleased to report that my pressure is now down significantly so. Today I am 123/81. Now it is up higher when I first get up.

I did an article in my newsletter on high blood pressure - check it out at

Newsletter

Why is the richest nation suffering from Malnutrition?

How can I say that? Here in the US we have the best food, the best doctors, the best medicines, the richest insurance companies. Whoops, guess that insurance company thing is not part of it.

Why then do we also have the highest rate of obesity and heart disease? Why do we spend millions of dollars every year to "treat" our ailments?

We could stop disease with a good preventive program. Why is it for most of us, we would rather live the "so called good life", get sick and then pay a fortune to try and get well. We are as a nation mal-nurished. We have good healthy food available and choose not to eat it.

Is it really so hard to add a 1/2 cup of berries to your daily food intake? Is it really so hard to work in a 1 mile walk once a day? Are we really slaves to glutton? Do we have to eat every meal as though it were the first food in days and probably the last meal for a few more days?

Wake up! Missing a TV show is not the end of the world, but missing your children or grand children growing up ------

I was in WalMart yesterday. I saw a young woman and her two children. She was obese, her 15 month old was obese - he could hardly fit in the child seat of the shopping cart. Her 2 week old baby was beautiful. Momma controls what she puts in her own mouth. She controls what she gives that 15 month old to eat. How long before that beautiful baby is the same size as her sibling?

Perhaps we ought to address child abuse in more areas. Surely setting a child up for obesity and early death qualifies as child abuse.

As my children grew to maturity they had good diets. Their choices once they were grown were their own. The fat side of those choices is also their problem.

Passing on some information I recently received. Researchers examined 206 children under the age of 3 diagnosed with autism. They found that the autistic children had a higher number of ear infections than other children and received an average of 12 courses of antibiotics. The warning is that Augmentin, the most widely prescribed antibiotic for children, may contribute to the autism. Large amounts of urea/ammonia are used in the manufacturing of Augmentin and ammonia has been shown to injure the intestines, brain and nervous tissue of small children. Another reason to avoid antibiotics if possible.

Hopefully you have a good pediatrician like the one we have for my grand children. The man will not give antibiotics unless absolutely necessary. The little 18 month old has had one treatment.

Answers For Your Health Survival Guide�-�Arthritis Relief

I finally finished editing a series of articles on Arthritis. Please take a look and let me know what I need to add.

Answers For Your Health Survival Guide�-�Arthritis Relief